Jonah Hex... The Movie

Hello? Is there anybody out there?

It was dark. A little too dark. I was worried about "accidentally" sitting on someone's lap as I found a seat. I didn't have to. The theater was empty. I had to look around to make sure. Nope, no one all the way in the back. No one on the floor making out (bummer). Just me. Alone.

I stretched out in a rather nice leather seat. Cinemark has upgraded since I was last here. I pop open a box of Reese's Pieces and look around again as the movie starts to see if anyone came in late. No. I feel strange. Slightly happy. This must be how Burgess Meredith felt when he was left all by himself to read every book he wanted.

I'm a big fan of Jonah Hex. He was created in 1972. DC comics liked to explore genres other than the standard superhero theme. Mike Grell's epic Warlord was their answer to Conan and other Sword and Sorcery tales. Adam Strange had a Sci Fi vibe. Jonah Hex was their answer to the Western.

He started as a player in All Star Western, moved on to be a featured player in Weird Western Tales and finally landed his own series. His first series lasted for 92 issues. Going from 1977 to 1985. After Crisis on Infinite Earths changed the DC status quo, he appeared as a space cowboy in a series called Hex. This lasted all of 18 issues and basically killed the character. He was resurrected in 1993 for a couple of western/horror miniseries and eventually given a new book in 2005 written by the amazingly talented Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray. Five years later the book is still going strong. Strong enough for a movie.

"Oh my god, he's finally about to talk about the fucking movie!?!?!"

Jonah Hex suffered from the same issues as Constantine. It was a good movie, if of B-ish quality, but it wasn't Jonah Hex.

It can best be described as Wild Wild West meets The Crow. It was like the writers were given some Jonah Hex comics to read and an issue of The Crow was somehow mixed in and they mistook it for another issue of Hex.

Really. If James O'Barr sees the movie, he should sue. It could have easy been another sequel to the Crow. It was better then Wicked Prayer. Edward Furlong? Really?

It starts out REALLY GOOD. You get a short origin sequence with John Malcovich as the evil villian and Josh Brolin as a younger Hex. It then cuts to an amazing animated scene that fleshes out the origin and does a decent job of sticking with the comic until they give him powers. Jonah Hex is a bad ass bounty hunter in the wild west. He's an amazing shot and a bad ass street fighter. He shouldn't have powers.

He was left for dead by Malcovich and saved by Indians (or native americans if you're a pc douche). Because he was so close to dead and brought back, he can now speak with the dead. If he touches a dead body they magically come back to life for a short time. Really. Fuck. This was lame and only used to push the plot twice. Totally unneeded and the worst part of the movie. In fact it's used so little that you almost forget about it.

Real quick, the indians that brought him back were part of "the crow" tribe and crows seem to follow him around. Really original.

Anyway... Malcovich fucked with his family. Turned really evil after the war. Is building a giant death machine a la Wild Wild West (this was SO MUCH BETTER then Wild Wild West).

Somewhere along the lines, Meagan Fox is a whore... plays a whore, who is love with Jonah Hex. He loves her but doesn't want to see her hurt. She's of course captured by Malcovich's Irish goon played wonderfully by Michael Fassbender. Overall she's just there for skin and really plays no real part in the movie.

Hex saves the day and lives happily ever after with Fox.

The actors were real good, Brolin and Malcovich in particular. It wasn't the best comic movie but it certainly wasn't the worst.

I liked it enough to want to pick up the blu-ray when I see it on sale for $12-$20 in a few months. It's worth a watch, maybe a rental. If it wasn't up against some really good competition in the theaters, it probably would have done better. They should have released it a month or two later.

8.5yr old me in 2010...

I'm drinking scotch and listening to Daniel Johnston. I should have got this out of my head before the scotch made it cloudy.

It's 2010. Wow. Ten years into the new millennium. I'm not impressed.
I wish I could go back to 1990 and have a little chat with the eight and a half year old me. I have a feeling it would end with both of us sobbing.

It's 2010 and we don't have the flying car. How does that happen? We're only now working on cars that run on electricity. Cars that go over 200mph are still uncommon. We've stopped using supersonic planes on a regular basis as well. We've canned the Condor do to fucking safety concerns.

It's 2010 and we've never made it to Mars. There's no aliens. We're still using the same shuttle design we had in the 80s(60s?). We've even shelved some shuttles again do to safety issues. Fuck safety. We can't make it further without taking some risks.

We're still in Iraq. Oh, we left for a bit, but it's so nice we decided to go back. Everyone goes for the waters.

Today's music is horrible, but I was listening to the Jets and MC Hammer in the 90s so I wouldn't know today's music sucks. Actually 8.5yr old me might like today's music. It almost seems to be aimed at the prepubescent.

TV is cleared now, but no holograms or 3D. VHS is dead. Video Discs became smaller and cheaper, but they're going away. Everything is moving towards streaming/digital.

We have the internet. What started out as an idea for knowledge and data sharing has become a mix of porn and socializing and pirates. I'm sure 8.5 me would be just as happy as 28.5 year old me with that.

In fact the internet is probably the only great invention we've had in the last 20 years. Everything else has become incrementally better. Or just prettier. The internet has been evolving. Streaming video. Internet gaming. iTunes. The Pirate Bay and torrents in general.

Blogging. Anyone can be heard.

And it's still a great portal for information. Recipes. Facts. Debunking. Temperature trends since they were recorded. It's all on the net. Rule 34.

Out of everything cool 28.5 year old me has, I think 8.5 year old me would agree with 28.5 year old me that the iPhone is the one that at least looks like it came from the future. No buttons, internet at your hands, games, music, movies. It's almost sad that that's the best we've got.

To do list...

-Sell box and binder of old MTG cards on ebay.
-Start selling unwanted comics.
-Buy an Adam controller off atari2600 and swap bodies with the bad colecovision controller
-Hack bad colecovision and atari controllers together into one badass franken-troller. Document the process.
Changed my mind. On Jan 7th an electronics store is having an amazing sale. I'm going to pick up real arcade components and put together a couple of controllers.
-Buy a cheap mac?
-Beat Batman Arkham Asylum.

Test...

I'm testing new iPhone blogging software. It supports tags and links, but won't add pictures to blogger posts. Total fail.

I do like it's text editor though. Wish it had a landscape mode.

I'm getting pretty quick with my one finger typing. I'm not doing so bad on accuracy either. I usually get close enough that the autocorrect picks up what i meant.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

I got a copy of Amazing Fantasy 15!!!!!!

And it was SUPER cheap. I totally ripped off the old dude. I feel a little bad.

I was walking back from wawa and this little shop was still open.
There was a box of comics and there it was right in the middle.
I ask the guy how much and he asks me what I got on me. All I had was
my change from wawa, 17.50 He said that was fine as long as I promised him a favor. He didn't say
what it was yet, but an amazing fantasy 15 for under 20 bucks and it
could be a sexual favor.

The little store is on haddon ave in the heart of collingswood. Here's a pic. Check it out.

Search light casting...

I'm listening to the Grateful Dead's Woodstock set. I put it on as I was leaving work, for the walk to the train and the ride.

It's amazing how relaxed the Dead make me. All the work crap just evaporated. I crank up the sound, shut everything out, and nothing else matters. I close my eyes and it's just me and a bunch of freaks groovin' to the music... and I couldn't be happier.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Comics

My subscription is up on my database program. I have a lot of filing
to do when I update next month.

Dave Stevens: Pin-Up God

Dave Stevens is one of my heroes. Without him, I may never have met the love of my life. He's best known for his pulp comic The Rocketeer. Besides being a fantastic adventure book that would not look out of place on the newsstands in the 50s, The Rocketeer is responsible for reintroducing Bettie Page to the world.

If any other artist used Bettie in their story, nothing would have come from it. It's Dave's amazing talent as a pin-up artist that brought her back. He captures her girl next door innocence. When people think of pin-up artists the first names that come to mind are Vargas and Petty, Dave deserves a spot right there next to them.

Others have followed Dave and tried their hand at Bettie pin-ups. Olivia De Berardinis and Jim Silke are both famous for their Bettie pics, but don't hold a candle to the master.

Thank you Mr. Stevens.

Test.

I'm writing this from my iPhone with a new app. It seems to work well. It adds pictures and syncs with my YouTube account to upload videos. Can't seem to find a make link button, but the app was cheap. You do get what you pay for.


-- Posted from my iPhone