You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.
-Ben Kenobi

Times Square.

Close your eyes. Picture yourself at a massive orgy. Bodies writhing all around you. The stagnant smell of sweat and body odor all around you. A steady hum of moans and murmurs. The bodies moving you in one direction... forcing you to go with the flow. All this and your fully dressed and you never finish. This is walking through Times Square.

You can never get from point A to point B without having to stop every three feet. This is not an exaggeration. Three feet may even be a generous guess. Tourists will stop and take pictures of anything. I mean anything. Look, a used condom... groups of cyclops es surround it, their nikon eyes blinking in the flashing lights. I was stopped for fifteen minutes while people trap mounted policemen forever. Every other person has a digital camcorder strapped to thier hands, walking with it constantly in front of thier eyes, experienceing Times Square through a 2inch lcd. I suppose their going to show the videos to everyone back home in Brataslava so they can share their experience. To get the full feeling of Times Square though they'll have to deficate in an air tight tupperware container and seel it up good. When they pop on the video, they pop open the tupperware. Add 3 open cans of two week old tuna and you almost... almost... have the same smell.

Between photo ops you have a whole new level of street people. I'm not even sure what the general term for these people would be. You have nervous looking gentlemen selling "designer" handbags out of trash bags, who flee if a policeman comes by. I guess they're worried about the horses messing up their nice bags. Hopeful musicians try handing out their CDs for a small donation. What's the best nation in the world... donation. They must not be too worried about making it, because they take back the CD if you don't chip in a buck. People dressed as whatever star of whatever Broadway show walk the street to promote. Whoring themselves out without having to worry about disease. I must admit, I liked the Young Frankenstien and Ygor. There are legions of transvestite statues of liberty wanting to have thier photos taken with you. Stands with t-shirts, "All shapes all sizes. If you have a shape, we have your size. $3 a shirt." High quality goods everywhere. I came close to buying a Rolex for $10. It was made of the finest plastic and 5kt. paste diamonds.